The Asbury Park Press once did an e-mail interview with the band “Bitter,” whom I joined in late 2003. At the end of the interview they asked, “We try to give our readers a feel of what it’s really like to be in a rock and roll band. Is there a way you might be able to sum it up for us?”
It was the final question, and the two brothers who led the group deferred to me. So in the only extended answer I ever gave to an interviewer, I responded:
“It’s funny you should ask that, as for years I’ve been involved in research involving The Confederate Space Administration. Most Americans aren’t aware that in the waning days of the Civil War, the Southern leadership decided that if they could put a man on the moon before General Grant surrounded Lee’s army, President Lincoln would have no choice but to surrender.
For this purpose, a massive 200-foot wooden rocket was assembled near White Oak Swamp, Virginia. It’s propulsion system consisted of 10,000 pounds of black powder, 12 cannons loaded with grapeshot, and 50 pounds of dynamite. This was thought to provide enough thrust to propel an entire company of Rebels to the moon.
The black powder, cannons, and dynamite were ignited at 8:37 am on 11 January 1865. As might be expected, the wooden rocket exploded, caught fire, and burned to the ground in under two minutes. The desperate project had failed. An observer of the debacle noted that during countdown, the final cheer from Captain Hayes of the doomed “Moon Fellers-Company A” was, “BOYS! WE’SE A GOIN’ TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!”